The Curious Yam

Em January 10th, 2010

I believe that one of the most damaging myths of our society is that of “The One.” People are always looking for that “One” person who will make them happy, who they will always love without difficulty. Aside from it being highly improbable that only one person on this overcrowded planet is your perfect match, this is far too much pressure to put on that person. The myth often dictates that you must continually feel the oxygen high of your early relationship, regardless of what stage you’re in. If for any reason that feeling fades or changes, your choice was clearly incorrect.

Think about how incredibly stressful that is! Of the likely millions of people in the world who are the correct gender, speak the correct language, and come from a background that you find compatible, there is a single person that you must find in order to be happy.*

But let me put your mind at ease. It is your choice.  There is no cosmic force that has selected a mate for you. You will not discover this fictional person by a serendipitous series of coincidences. Though it may feel that way, and though you may have found your love despite overwhelming odds, in the end YOU have decided whether or not to act. If you had chosen not to, you would have likely ended up with another compatible person.

Okay, now you have the incredible power of reason on your side. But with that comes responsibility, which means that you must also accept that your romantic relationship will change. On your 25th anniversary, you will not feel like you are walking on a cloud every time you hold hands. Unfortunately, perpetual bliss is what we love most about the “One” myth, which allows us one all-encompassing excuse that trumps all other arguments:

He just wasn’t the One.

And so some will jump from relationship to relationship, always ending with that excuse and the feeling that they are continually reaching for something just beyond their grasp.

*There is a Christian variation of this myth that shifts focus to “God’s will.” As though you didn’t have enough to worry about, you must not only decipher your own feelings but also God’s feelings. Oddly enough, there is a general consensus that this is the one time when God will not ask you to do something you don’t want to;  ie., marry someone you find distasteful.

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